[26 Feb 2009|12:40pm] My current goal is to get through Rolling Stone magazines 500 greatest songs of all time. It's taking a lot longer than I would have assumed. But it's been pretty fun listening. Although I am surprised at some of the songs that made the list. Good surprised: Fuck the Police. Bad Surprised: More than a feeling(which closes on the compilation). I guess over played equals greatest hits sometimes. I guess somebody somewhere has to like that stuff. I guess I'll just take my Van Morrison and go pout in corner. I cracked a chuck of my pinkie toenail almost off. It looks kind of like a loose tooth that just needs one good yank and I'll be out, but I get a feeling ripping nail fragment out of a nail bed might hurt a tad more than ripping out a tooth once the root/nerve is already shot. I should be at work right now, well I feel like I should. Spring break has turned me into a bigger ball of pointless, unfocused goo much more efficiently and quickly than usual. Maybe it was the trip to Chicago and the furthering of the realization that I need to get the HELL OUT OF MICHIGAN, but I can't quite seem to keep focus. That or the fact I've been turned into a weak kneed, love sick puppy. A few weeks back I had a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that the year 2000 was almost ten years ago. It just seem like 10 year, considering how much has changed and how much I've had to grow up and do stuff like pay bills and rent and get jobs and pay taxes, I still feel like a snot nosed kid most days. But I still got plenty of time to grow up still. I don't REALLY have to get my shit together for another year and a half or so. I woke up the past few mornings to birds chirping. That's all I need. I've seen early spring flowers beginning to peak out of the ground. Fuck my allergies, bloom away nature. Pretty soon I won't have to daydream about summer days with my feet in Lake Michigan. Seriously, Two things got me through this winter and that visual was one.* I guess it takes arctic chills and no sunlight for weeks leading to unbearable depression to make one REALLY appreciate something as simple as a blue sky and 73 degree days. *[The other thing that helped me get through this winter is the reason why I'm a weak kneed, love sick puppy.] I regret nothing. This entry, like my life, is all non sequitur. spell.

So I turned 20 yesterday... [21 Jan 2009|11:25am] Life doesn't seem to be slowing down any, so I guess I better learn to catch up. I feel like I'm kinda collapsing in on myself as of late. I can seem to keep my head on straight. I'm taking it easy this semester and taking a lot of performance and movement classes which always make me feel like I accomplish something when I leave...especially yoga. My job as one of twenty Theatre office babysitters tend to screw up any good vibes I may have earlier in the day. It's not that the job is that bad, it's just hard to go from feeling really energized and motivated to hunched in a office with florescent lighting doing crossword puzzles and trolling the internet. Oh, bother. I don't think I say it enough... I really feel off balance with most things in my life. Everything is really good. I get blue a lot and feel really angry or depressed, but I know that things are really truly good. Keeping that in perspective helps, but I still feel like I'm being spun around and I can't reach out and grab anything sometimes. Some aspects of my life have been turned upside down recently. I'm not really grounded anywhere. Which probably is adding my sensation of feeling off balance. I'm around, then I'm not. I'm in Fenton, I'm in Flint. I feel like I holding back, holding myself back and this can't keep happening. Sometimes I feel like I just want to get rid of all of my stuff and just go somewhere, without clutter, without the dizziness and just reground myself. I don't want to run away. I just can't do what I need to here anymore. I love my city. I love my life. I love my friends. I just don't love what I may become if I stay here too much longer. At least two more years before I can get out. I need a challenge. I need something to make me kick my self in the ass and I'm not getting it. I can't let this city suck me in. There is something in this city that is deadly. Jobs, culture, and people are all leaving. All that's left are those who can't leave, those who can't wait to leave, and those who have resigned to let this city drain on the because there is nowhere else to go. There is nothing in the near future that can save Flint. There are glimmers and they have been holding on for a long time. I just hope they keep holding on until something can revive everything else that's gone dark. spell.

Terra Astraea reliquit. [01 Jun 2008|02:16am] Alright, so anyone else see the problem with any of this.... Tonight on the 11 o'clock news two stories back to back: Story the first: An iraq war veteran plead guilty to raping his 3 month old daughter, breaking some of her bones on top of other physical damage...he'll get 5 years. Story the second: 4 teens robbed a video store to pay for prom and graduation. because it was an armed robbery they'll probably get between 25 to life. Now I'm not saying that these action are not worthy of punishment, but for the love of fucking god a man RAPED A THREE MONTH OLD INFANT...HIS OWN FUCKING BABY!!!! and he's getting 5 years for pleading guilty and some stupid kids who had guns but didn't actually hurt anyone could go away for the rest of their lives?!?!?!? what. the. fuck. I'm just baffled. When I first heard that shit I couldn't get my jaw back into the upright and locked position. I was looking up info on these stories but could only find information on the kids who robbed the video story.(surprise, surprise) And people wonder why our jails are over populated. Putting stupid kids/people away for year and year while sick fucks just get to go on freely after 5 or so years. Bullshit. "Child molesters and serial rapist get labeled and shunned by society and their communities..." blahblahblahAnd ya know what, MAYBE THEY FUCKING SHOULD! They still get to walk free after 5-15 after seriously fucking up somebody's life. Granted, I know people (my mother included) who have had guns pulled on them and their lives threatened over 250 bucks in a cash drawer and gotten roughed up over twenty bucks and a pack of cigarettes. And they were shaken up and it still affects them, but I can image not to any degree of someone who was sexually abused/assaulted. Petty crimes get serious jail time and things that an average person who find moral and ethically wrong? Some jail time, a slap on the wrist, and sent on there way. I'm far less concerned about they people carrying pot and who want my cash then those who are sexually abusing people, namely children. Again, by no means am I saying the kids who robbed the store aren't deserving of punishment, cause they are, but having those two stories back to back just paints a clearer picture why our laws and "justice" system are flawed. Sorry I just had to rant. That shit just really got under my skin. Moral of the story: Keep your noses clean, kids. Cause lady liberty and lady luck seem to be on a permanent Vacation. spell.

[21 May 2008|12:41pm] I find it humorous how diligently I would update my life in this years ago. I say years I mean like 2, 3 tops. Oh well. Looking forward to my first break since September. It's nice staying busy but I've been neglecting things, like my friends and myself. And my reading list. And my Apartment. And my laundry. Oh Well. I'm hoping I'll get some work in June, cause Momma's all sorts of broke. As much as I love mowing my grandparents lawn, it ain't gonna pay the rent. I pre-ordered the new Chuck Palahniuk book (Snuff) off Amazon and I got it in the mail the other day. There is nothing I love more than getting brand spanking new HARDCOVER books by mail in a very timely fashion for 14 BUCKS. But to make this tale even sweeter, I got an e-mail from Amazon this morning saying that they lowered the price of the book after I ordered it and before it was shipped so they are refunding my the extra money I spent. Ok it's only like 58 cents, but I thought that very noble of Amazon.com. [P.S. The book is pretty fucking sweet. Only about halfway through but I'm pleased.] I'm thrilled to have a chance to work on sewing projects now that I have time. Now that I know how to properly handstitch and use my sewing machine and not fuck everything up. Plus my aunt (by aunt I mean my grandfather's sister) who is pretty much a pack rat has all sorts of fabric and materials that I can have. I haven't seen any of it but my mom said its stuff from the 40's and 50's up to like late 60's/ early 70's. In short, I can't wait. Oh, yeah. Titus Andronicus. This weekend (thurs, fri, sat) 8pm. Red Ink (right by the farmer's market) It's Shakespeare, but really easy to follow. Moreover, it has rape, dismemberment, and throat slicing. Bring the whole family. I'm excited to actually do stuff this summer. Like make cloths and cook and paint and go camping and have swanky parties. Sweet, sweet independence. Well, almost. spell.

[10 Apr 2008|01:13pm] I don't know what I want, but I know I'm not going to find it here. speak. spell.

[03 Feb 2008|12:45am] update? why of course. Sooooo. I'm working on a show. The Winter's Tale. It opens next weekend and runs until the weekend after that (if you want to know more info, get a hold of me). It's nice to be a part of a show where I'm not worried about anything. I was cast in the next main stage show as well. Expecting Isabel. So that's exciting. I was a little concerned I wouldn't have a show to work on but no worries. For my next trick, I'll attempt to find a show to work on this summer. School's going very well. I pretty much love it. Minus my English class, I'm taking classes that I want to and I enjoy them all a lot. It worth every penny out of those lovely tax payers pockets. Despite all of the happy-pappy bullshit, I'm kinda on self-destruct mode. I don't know how to fix it. I know the problem but at this point thats all I got. And the tail end of a chest cold. There is nothing special about being 19. And no, I'm not driving my ass to Canada to drink. I'm not that motivated to do anything, let alone get trashed 50-100 miles away from where I live when I can do it here for much cheaper and not waste gas. There will be blood may be the best movie I've seen in ages. check it out. I recently started shopping online with my debt card, which I discovered only fuels my anti-social tendencies and hatred for shopping in all malls, gallerias, department stores, and shopping centers alike. Plus, I like getting shit in the mail. I owe an apology. It feels a lot later than it is. I hate that. I have a lon day tomorrow and I know I'll be kicking myself about not getting enough sleep tomorrow. eh, what's fucking new? [Baby, I'm bad news.] spell.

[14 Nov 2007|09:56am] [ mood | shit yeah! ] soooo I just quit my job. and luckily they were really cool about it and said I can come back when ever (doubtful but a nice offer). So although I'm no longer employed and have no real income I'm happy. Give it like two weeks, but no matter what... I just got my mother fucking weekends back speak. spell.

im a dinosaur [20 Oct 2007|04:45pm] im a dinosaur and im 5 years old rawr im a dinosaur and my cereals getting cold. but im a dinosaur and ill eat your fucking head im a dinosaur stomping into bed. im a dinosaur and your kisses really stink im a dinosaur your love makes me go extinct. spell.

then you never knew you had one [05 Oct 2007|04:16pm] [ mood | jubilant ] Well I've been having a delightfully busy fall so far. I started classes at U of M . They been pretty easy and some are really fun. Oh the joys of being a theatre major. I worked backstage on the musical and that wrapped up oo...a week ago and that was nice to be busy with a show...even though I did three in the span of three months...eh. I also auditioned for the play in February (The Winter's Tale...Shakespeare). So I'm excited about that. College is just what I needed. Granted, I work myself into a frenzy about it, I love it. Almost makes four years of high school worth it....almost I am officially moved into my apartment. I have pictures on facebook if there is any interest in where I lay my little head at night. I still have some finishing touches to do...the rooms are still pretty echo-y. I'm thinking about having a get together/house warming party. but probably not. all in all two thumbs. spell.

pretty little rags and bones [07 Jul 2007|01:51pm] [ mood | jizz ] My trip to chicago was A-MAZING. I graduated. so that's done. I got a job. Old navy in birch run...but I'll be at Courtland until the end of the month. By August I hope to have a place lined up to live. Most people have some doubts about me working, having my own place, going to U of M and doing theatre, but I can handle it and if I can't...whatever. But a perk is I have enough scholarship money that my tuition is covered and I'll actually get some money back. bitches. wow, I forgot how much I enjoy the fairly odd parents. wow, I a loser. spell.

[20 May 2007|02:46pm] [ mood | sleepy ] Oh lord. I wish i could find something better to do with my time procrastinating than write here but what the hell. where to begin... Four and half days until I'm done with the high school. Friday marked my writing debut with our 24 hour theatre event(which, I might add, was an experience all it's own). I acted in a show as well but yeah. Nic and I are planning a trip to the tropic of Chicago this June. So I'm excited. I still don't have a job but have a few places in mind that pay pretty well so hopefully I can get a job once I get back from Chicago and in a few months be able to get my own place. I need to write an essay to get another scholarship for U of M. As greedy as it sound i hope it's more than $500. Even though as of right now I'll be paying less to go to college than any of my years at Powers. I have rather interesting cut on my big toes that won't stop bleeding. speak. spell.

slice my nostril [01 Apr 2007|11:19pm] [ mood | pleased ] Oh boy. So...from the top. School can lick my lick my balls but I only have about thirtysome days left so I couldn't honestly care less. Quigley(my pooch) died last week. So yeah, that has been hard. Into The Woods opened and closed, thusly ending my career as a high school theatre freak. Now I get to just disappear for the rest of the year. Although...I am helping organize a Twenty Four hour theatre event so maybe not quite yet. I'm going to Toronto with some folks over Spring break which begins Friday so I'm all sorts of excited. Unfortunately I'm gonna miss something/one. [Ten months is a long time and I'm sad I can't spend it with you. you're my heart.] I can't wait until I'm done with high school. I need out. I also need my own place. which equals I need a JOB. but all in all things are pretty damn nice. If only it would get nice and summer-y. But I'll take what I can get. speak. spell.

[07 Feb 2007|06:34pm] [ mood | sleepy ] Well it's been a considerable amount to time since I've written something of possible value (ha.) in here. My birthday was alright. The show was....less than stellar. Final exams were fairly easy and didn't fuck up my GPA too bad...not like it makes much difference at this point anyways. This new semester is ridiculous. I can't tell whether people are stupid or just lazy. or both. The musical....HA! I don't even want to think about it. My part is cool and it should be fun but some other people...hmmaaa. I need to start planning for this spring and summer. Once I'm done with the musical I need to really REALLY get a job. Once I graduate, I plan on moving out. So there's all of that. And I hope one of my friends can get a place with me cause I really don't want to live by myself. As of late, I have come to the realization my life is pretty damn good. Even though I always have something to bitch about, all in all, things ain't to shabby. Sixty-six more days until I'm done. I don't think I've ever been so ready for anything in my life. Granted, college is a whole new ball park but I'm in dire need of some change and a new challenge. I need to clean my glasses. speak. spell.

[17 Jan 2007|09:36pm] Powers Catholic Theatre Presents The Greek Tragedy Antigone January 18 (7pm) January 19 (7pm) January 20 (2pm and 7 pm) my birthday January 21 (2pm) shameless promotion. what can ya do speak. spell.

[25 Dec 2006|12:09pm] -obligatory holiday post- This is becoming the most un-Christmas ever. and I LOVE IT. Happy F-in' HollyDays Bitches [serious delirium Bill Murray] speak. spell.

You probably look best in the night [19 Nov 2006|05:45pm] Oh darlin. And it's almost December. Let's see. Emperor's New Cloths open and closed with a damn near perfect run. School's been a pain in my ass but what new. It's really not all that bad. Currently working on our winter show, Antigone. I play the blind prophet. I play a man. An OLD man. It'll be delicious. So I have had my panties all in a twist about college. I got my acceptance letter from U of M Flint and a $1000 academic scholarship. I'm still waiting on Loyola in Chicago. Once I get the verdict from Loyola I'm either gonna be in the clear or shit's gonna get REAAAL interesting. We shall see. I'm getting glasses. Sometimes this week. I really don't like em. They make me look funny. So if i come across some glasses I like (and some cash) I'm gonna see if I can have them put my prescription in the alternate frames. I'm sleepy, yo. spell.

Play the Piano Drunk/ Like a Percussion Instrument/ Until the Fingers Begin to Bleed a Bit [20 Oct 2006|07:57pm] I'm a little freaked out that in less than a year a good part of my life (if not all of it) will be completely different. But I have time to worry about that later. I keep running into my father. rather he keeps running into me. It's a little odd. We keep it friendly enough, never digging too deep into things. More awkward small talk between strangers as opposed to conversation between father and daughter. Still hasn't told me he's been laid off. He gave me gas money. Too bad I really don't want anything from him anymore. If its possible to OD on caffeine, then today just might be my day. Apparently I dress like "color-blind bum". Insult or not. I can dig it. SHAMELESS ADVERTISEMENT: Powers Theatre The Emperor's New Clothes Nov. 3,4,& 5 7,2 and 7, & 2 Come see high school students make asses of themselves in hopes of entertaining young and old alike!....or don't. It's like an hour long.You're not going to break anyone's heart. speak. spell.

beautyfull. [04 Oct 2006|07:06pm] High school. So many people get wound up in all of the propaganda. and for what? all the memories that movies and television tell us we should have? wasting mommy and daddy's money? another excused to get fucked and/or fucked up? I'm so sick of going to school and being ostracized for not giving a shit. I see everyone living the bullshit dream. Getting involved with any and every club or organization for college applications, where, upon getting in, will most likely be incoherent the duration of there "college experience". ok. unfair generalization but that's what I get I guess from being stereotyped and forced into a cookie cutter mold however many hours a week. I want to get through this year, work on the shows, and get my fucking diploma and be done with high school. Oh bother. This is what I get for reading through my yearbook Speaking of the show...if you enjoy cheesy children's theatre...The Emperor's New Cloths. November 3,4,5. 7pm,2 and 7 pm, and 2 pm. One of my tires had a nail/screw in it. The tire isn't flat; i've been driving on it for aboot 36 hours. Eh I need to get an oil change soon...maybe they can just patch it. the life aquatic soundtrack makes me happy [and so do you.] speak. spell.

[05 Sep 2006|09:30pm] If ya ain't got nothin' nice to say, don't say anything at all. I'm a shitty friend. I don't tell people when I don't want to hang with them anymore. I'm a hypocrite I'm a bitch. I'm a cunt. I'm a twat. what's new? Don't bust out with personal beefs on my livejournal (or livejournal in general). It's crap. We all talk shit about each other. again what's new? I've laughed harder reading all of this than I have in while. This is all immature and needs to stop. I don't want to make some big thing on livejournal but I want this to end. If you want to hash this out, e-mail me (cause I don't answer my phone, heh). Please don't comment somewhere else in my journal. again it's immature and were all suppose to be damn near adults here? c'mon. And making fun of people? even cause you're angry? Come on now. I know my hair looks like shit. I've had it for 17 years! A dryer sheet? that's a new one? Self absorbed? really? fake? who the fuck isn't? we all get/steal our ideas and personality traits for people around us. friends, people we admire, our parents. And if ya wanna make fun of me...try something that might actually try to hurt me. but since it obviously to make ya feel better, be my guest. I live to serve, ya dig? so again, ya really wanna share your mind...if ya care that much...email me. Spf101@aol.com

Rev. Godless [03 Sep 2006|07:22pm] I'm just bored silly. I'm probably going to go read again. [My madre's sci-fi movie isn't very good.] I finished A Scanner Darkly earlier. Quite good. I don't usually go for the futuristic/sci-fi stories but it wasn't too shabby. It just took me all summer to sit down and finish it. And it really wasn't that long. Haunted. damn good. chuck palahniuk. put it in your mouth. chew it. it's delicious.(sorry. Dane Cook.) Pretty sure I didn't do half the things I planned on doing this summer. But I'm pretty content with what I did do. once I stopped expecting so much/anything, life got much more fun and carefree. you. no bones about it. speak. spell.

[17 Aug 2006|03:37pm] boy, oh boy. I think change is a-comin'. Maybe not real soon. but soon enough I'm sure. I haven't done a damn thing this summer. Good, bad, whatever. Kinda wish I would have done a little more but I still have time before I lose myself to PCHS. Oh just one more year. and all that "senior" bullshit that goes along with it. Also, contrary to popular belief, I have plans for college. a few. so if one or two don't work out, I have a something to fall back on. ya dig? heh. I'm hungry, yo. I can sleep better tonight not only knowing that my car is better, but because Justin Timberlake is bringing sexy back. weight off my shoulders, lemme tell ya. [yeah. suck on that.] speak. spell.

[27 Jul 2006|02:19pm] what the hell... speak. spell.

[19 Jun 2006|01:57pm] ...and the hits just keep on comin'. speak. spell.

time to snort the night away [24 May 2006|06:02pm] i wish i had something intelligent or interesting to say. maybe some day i won't be so lame. probably not though. oh summer. I'll have a job for four days. so that'll be...an experience. culinary school seems pretty interesting. French Culinary Institute here I come! beginning of July, I'm thinking bout making a trip. Chicago maybe? Toronto if funds allow? we'll see. i should really work on my project...fuck mythology. .....Joe Franklin raped me. speak. spell.

[24 Apr 2006|09:46pm] it's not blue. it's purple.yo. I like watching you when you can't see me. boy that was creepier than I had originally intended. oh well. horizontal refreshment. I need to find a hobby. [you're killin' me Smalls. you're killin' me.] spell.

who clamed in his chowder? [05 Apr 2006|07:28pm] what a classy turn of events. conservatives ruin all the fun. i'm broke....ish. i'm also drinking vault. mmmm. i have such glorious plans. hope its warm tomorrow. [ I'm strong and I'm superior. Even to take drugs once or twice, I must be strong enough to get past the burning choking sensation of my first puff of a cigarette, or to get past the misery of my first hangover. To do it chronically and remain alive and healthy, I must be superior] my mom has the best books. chicago is looking better and better. heh. speak. spell.

[28 Mar 2006|10:16pm] All I want to do is sleep. I feel like I'm stuck in this horrible cycle. Fiddler on the Roof. This weekend. you wanna come get a hold of me. asap. I have no money. normally this wouldn't bother me but um...I'm kind of in debt. I can not wait until spring really hits. Ann Arbor days trips will most likely interfere with my schooling. who's game? I need to get away from high school(ers). or Flint. Either way. Ya know, I should break the news to my mother.....eh I'll wait til spring break. why isn't it June. speak. spell.

[13 Mar 2006|08:19pm] I'm just going through the motions and its making my physically ill. Status quo can lick my balls. I don't know what I should be afraid of anymore. I need to do something before my head falls off. from boredom that is. I'm ready for May. and I know its not just me. I get a feeling all of this hard work and stress and energy is going to be in vain because when it comes right down to it, I'm a pussy. I guess just can't win. ya dig? spell.

you're not out of the woods yet [27 Feb 2006|10:11pm] apparently I'm radiating decay and death today. Hopefully they won't smell it on me when I donate blood on friday. I think everyone needs a little spring time weather. Fiddler on the roof. Things are gonna be reeeaaal interesting from here on out. Next year better be different. And it will be if I have any say in it. Come spring break, I'm going to disappear, hermit style. I've got a lot of things to catch up on. I fear my compulsive lying is going to get into trouble soon. speak. spell.

[12 Feb 2006|12:00pm] I've been reading a lot more lately...I feel less dependent and stupified by the internet and television. How come every time Matel makes a male doll he looks as gay as the last week in June? if anyone gets that joke, I'll be proud I've been able to enjoy my weekend for the first time in ages. Today should be a good day. edit. I love how uncomfortable I make white people without even trying. I'm ready to get the fuck out here. for serious. speak. spell.

[31 Jan 2006|09:04pm] Mommy thinks I'm an anorexic lesbian. yay! speak. spell.

[23 Jan 2006|01:30am] euphoria. yeah. spell.

[21 Jan 2006|12:48am] well yesterday (the 20th), was my birthday. I wasn;t look forward to it, hell I didn't remeber until I came downsairs and there was a presenting staring at me from the table. I didn't open it cause i was running late. I didn't study well for my finals but i don't think i did too horrible but we'll see. the show went well. My mom hated it. I must admit, going out to dinner with the cast was probably the highlight of my day. it was kind of boring but it had its moments. all in all, an ok birthday. speak. spell.

stale cigarettes, choke, the white stripes [01 Jan 2006|12:25am] so I entered this oh six by myself. in my room. never do I want to see dick clark making out with his wife.again. man i love cat stevens. so now i'm sippin pink champange with my madre watching law and order criminal intent. I'd like to think next year I'll do something....yeah something. so au revior 2005. you treated me well. you were more than I could have asked for. And heres to 2006. I can only hope things stay mediocre and boring. speak. spell.

[28 Dec 2005|11:01pm] Tonight on Iron Chef: PUSSY speak. spell.

[25 Dec 2005|01:17am] Happy CrystalMethmas Bitches! Merry Christmas to all and to all shut the hell up speak. spell.

[22 Dec 2005|07:47pm] goodbye wisdom teeth. hello vicodin. speak. spell.

To days of insrpiration [06 Dec 2005|10:27pm] [ mood | blown out vag ] I would really like to become more of a people person but when it comes right down to it...I just don't like people. So I guess I'll just admire I use that term loosely from afar. Everyday I'm turning more and more into my mother. or a bag lady. same difference. I wish I didn't care so much. spell.

[01 Dec 2005|11:15pm] so. december, huh. Life's petty good. Especially in comparison to this time last year. The show is going well, even thought we haven't read completely through the script and all we done is research. I know it'll help a lot with character. That's why I love Lori, she pushes us and expects more than your "average high school show" and that is what I'll miss most. So I'm working on being more of sociable person and less shy/stand offish. Something I really need to work on before I throw myself out into the world. Tremors 2. not as good as the first, but it'll do in a pinch. I hate christmas music. like whoa. call me "anti-christmas" if you will. but I'm just over it. and hey it only took 16 years! spell.

[14 Nov 2005|09:02pm] I don't know what I'll do when I don't live in a house that reeks of pot and dog piss. JGP opened, kinda closed, sort of reopened and actually closed with a few hitched but nothing we couldn't handle. It was more fun than I could have asked for. Classical choir concert = can lick my balls. I'm not quite sure how I feel about call backs. I really want a part....and not the part everyone's so sure I'm going to get...*grumbles* I spend a half hour sitting in my car singing RHPS at the top of my lungs. It was glorious. I can wait for this week to be over. Or the school year. I feel a picture post comin on. ( JGP '05 ) 66.212.565 speak. spell.

[08 Nov 2005|09:48pm] at the end of the day there is only one question to ask: ....is it really worth it? [the end of moulin rouge still makes me cry like a baby] speak. spell.

It ain't rape anymore [01 Nov 2005|06:24pm] [ mood | sleepy ] The show = Ass kicker Man I have never worked so hard on a show in my life. Today was one of the first days in over a week in half I've been home before 10. This weekend I was up at Powers until midnight or later. the rhythm of showtime is much easier to handle. One more Hell Week for the books. Halloween was rather uneventful. I had two performances then I came home and lazied about the rest of the day. It's these nights during this week when I have to do all the homework I missed is what's gonna suck. eh, I'll manage. Luckily its the beginning of a new quarter so I have time to cover my ass before semester is anything should happen. Auditions for the winter show are next week and I'm kinda nervous. I'd like more than anything to be cast in it. There's one part I really REALLY want but I'm keeping that on the d.l. cause....I want to. And mostly because it'll be the last time I'll get to be directed by Lori. I'm ready for it to be summer. I'd like to think by June I'll have a good idea of what the hell I'm doing. Reminder: Sat. Nov. 12....Come see the show. 2 or 7 pm. spell.

doooood!!! hoe cakes! [24 Oct 2005|10:43am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | IRON CHEF! ] I never realized how depended on the internet I am. The show is slowly stealing my life, but I'm having fun so it's alright. Auditions for The miracle worker are in the middle of James and the Giant Peach show week if I get cast (crosses fingers) Then I'll be four straight months of Powers Theater. Whoa. And if the musical goes off as planned (crosses fingers again) then we're talkin 7 months. damn. Speaking of Theater... James and The Giant Peach November 11 7pm November 12 2pm and 7 pm (This is the night I'm performing so you'd be wise to go this day...heh) November 13 2pm So come support my theater future bitches and hell..it's like an hour long And for the bold, daring, and fans od classical/chruch music.... I have a choir concert Novemeber 15 OR 16 I don't remember. I'll have more alter but I doubt anyone'll want to go. I feel very concided having icons of myself. And concidering I have recently lost all of my files (my mother assisted in the suicide of my our shit-tastic emachine) it's gonna be these for a while. only four three more 13 hour days to go. speak. spell.

No to Police and the President [19 Oct 2005|11:02pm] [ mood | 14 ] I'm slowly slipping into a lot of my old habits. And I don't like it. I forgot how much I love having bruises. except when the itch. or is that just me? One of my fears has been realized: I turning into my mother. I found this picture of a friend of my mom's from back in the seventies. Its her friend and this guy. on the back it said "Me and (the guys name..i couldn't read it). We're stoned. I screw him sometimes. He's a nice young man. He has a good since of humor. He hates the Navy." made me afternoon yesterday I found a bunch of my mom when she was 16-19. She was so adorable. One is of her kinda of smirking with the wind kind of blowing her hair. She's wearing a polka dot dress and her cat eye glasses. The other one I really like, she's sitting in a chair reading a book and she's in a mini skirt and a navy button sweater with her cat eye glasses again and a cute blonde-ish bob hair cut. Most of the women in my family are attractive in very unconventional ways, but my mom was just extremely attractive, hands down. Genetics make me laugh. My mom and my aunt look nothing like my gramma and my mom and my aunt look so much like my grampa but my mom and my aunt don't look much a like at all. what can i say...i'm a sucker for pictures. speak. spell.

yes for cunts, yes for cocks [12 Oct 2005|10:26pm] so here to another "random as hell" update I don't know why I still try with somethings. I get a feeling my dirty little secrets are going to spread. I adore Iron and Wine. Things seem awkward to me for some reason...anyone else? I can't wait to be done with this high school hullabaloo. 598 days. suckas. Almost 2 months of school and I haven't skipped yet. HOLY FUCK....DRAWN TOGETHER IS COMING ON TV TONIGHT. I HAVEN'T WATCHED IT IN AAAAAAGES. It don't take much to get me all giddy. I'm a simple girl. heh south park. speak. spell.

[09 Oct 2005|05:03pm] ( hc ) speak. spell.

I had the worst dream last night [02 Oct 2005|02:38pm] there i was in uniform looking at the art techer i was just a girl then and i never have loved since then he was not that much older than i was he had taken our class to the metropolitan museum he asked us what our favorite work of art was but never could i tell him it was him oh, i wish i could tell him oh, i wish i could have told him i look at the Reubens and Rembrants i liked the John Singer Sargents he told me he liked Turner and i never have i turned since then no, never have i turned to any other man all this having been said, i married an executive company head all this having been done, a Turner - I own one here i am in this uniformish pant suit sort of thing thinking of the art teacher i was just a girl then never have i loved since then no, never have i loved any other man spell.

5,6 kids [29 Sep 2005|08:54pm] [ mood | rawr. ] [ music | Wolf Parade ] I've been really bored this afternoon. No rehearsal. Not much homework. Schools not going too bad so far. I have about a 3.6 GPA right now so that's what I'm aiming to keep for the rest of the year. I'd like to report about the play but...um yeah we haven't done shit yet. So if you bitches want to see me in James and the Giant Peach I perform on Saturday November 12 at 2 and 7 pm....There are shows the 11 and 13 but I'm not going to be in those nights. Too many damn narrators. I hate being bored. I've been contemplating ditching homecoming this year...I really don't like dances. At all. I think I'll just get dressed up and go to dinner with the crew. I say crew because there's that many of us. I've also been contemplating cutting my hair. I know I need to get it trimmed like a mother but I mean like CUT. I've toyed with the idea of like semi-afro length. Of course I wouldn't do this until after the musical in like april but I need to get the balls to do it now so by that time I'll be ready for it. Tis a shame concidering I've always been hell bent on having longish hair. eh. My mom was telling me about this guy that picked up a hitch-hiker in hopes of having sex with him but in turn got his car jacked, was forced to smoke crack and the got the shit beat out of him in a random alley. My Mother. Told me this. She needs a life more than I do. oh I think I'm getting a wee bit sick... speak. spell.

How to demolish an entire civilization and still feel good about yourself in the morning [22 Sep 2005|08:24pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Sufjan Stevens ] Today was the official funeral for Summer 2005, and I think it when out in quite an appropriate fashion. Once my mother left for work I couldn't control myself from not running out onto my balcony and prancing on my 3 by 13 foot area. I was soaked with in 2.7 seconds of opening my door. It was amazing. I was singing and dancing and having a marvelous time. Then after I got out of my wet cloths I danced around my living room in my unmentionables to Sufjan Stevens for a good fifteen minutes. Then I put on my dress and make up and did my hair. My mother called me to bring her dry cloths cause somehow she got soaked whilst at work so I made a valiant journey 0.8 mile to Video Watch with my Meijer's bag full of cloths. I started to to jump in puddles, thusly getting another set of clothing drenched. I began to drive and I suddenly realized water was almost up to the bottom of my door....and this was just on the road in my complex. Ditches all along the side of the road were filling up with water and spilling over onto the concrete. My brakes failed twice but only for about 3 seconds. The parking lot where my mom works was flooded worse than Court street was. Once I got home I decided to take advantage of the wonderful weather and take some photos. I was running about the complex and parking lot snapping. There was this douche-y guy doing donuts in the other lot and skid out and hit two cars. I don't think he'll be coming back for a while. My red converse haven't been this clean in ages. Sufjan Stevens has provided a wonderous soundtrack for this afternoon. ( Casimer is such a kick ass name. ) oh, what I wouldn't give for a camera with FOCUS. edit. why do I care so much. Why am I I'm so fucking sensitive. speak. spell.

I'm a slave to the one you call "Internet" [17 Sep 2005|11:45am] [ mood | frustrated ] [deleted original post] I'm stuck in that slump I always get stuck in right after school starts. I made myself breakfast (ok toast and orange juice) for the first time since like July. Everything around me is very "up in the air" and I hate that. I'm waiting for something to go wrong. spell.

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